Following is a verbatim parody transcript of President Obama’s decision to send troops to the War Zone, secretly recorded during a conference call with his foreign policy team --

I have reviewed the election process, and I have made my decision.  As I promised, I have based it on careful evaluation of all factors involved, not a hasty response to some arbitrary and needless deadline.  Unlike those responsible for past quagmires, I do not act recklessly on important matters like the safety of our troops in the field.  I do so only if there is an unread bill in Congress costing at least a trillion dollars, which is my personal minimum for getting involved, and I know nothing about the subject.  But I digress.

In deciding on this military solution, I have consulted with the Chief Joints of Staff and my top advisors and czars.  Some of the latter are communists and socialists, or just general thugs.  This is very helpful, because they know how the enemy thinks.  I was asked to heed the words of Chairman Mao, “If in doubt, kill them all.”  But, rather than send thousands of troops to accomplish this, I feel we must employ a broader perspective.  It’s how I recently dealt with the issue of illegal pot use in our nation.  I simply declared it legal.  Problem solved.

Similarly, I know there will be less public concern over the number of troops if there is less flawed media coverage.  Our constitution has been interpreted to provide freedom of speech, but not freedom FROM speech.  To correct this, I have launched a War on Error.  There will be zero tolerance for news media errors, as I define them.  If a media entity doesn’t support my administration, it will be deemed an enemy and I will attack it at the source.

I have initially targeted the diabolical FOX TELEVISION NEWS NETWORK.  So, my decision is, I will send a small cadre of troops, a hundred or less, to hound Fox’s headquarters building for the duration of my presidency.  Nobody will be allowed in or out.  I believe this will solve the troop problem.  

There’s also the minor issue of Afghanistan troop levels.  As part of  the War on Error, I will not jeopardize national security by releasing such information.  At least not until I complete my goal of making everyone in America equally impoverished, which will also deter future terrorist attacks.  If we are broker than them, why would they bother?

This is your Commander in Chief, Barack Hussein Obama.  Heaven help our country, or whatever.

The above is a guaranteed verbatim parody of conceptual remarks.